


stasis

by zauberer_sirin



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: F/M, Working My Feelings Through Fic, akane tsunemori is flawless, angsty messed up sex is the best, emotionally repressed dudes are fun to write, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 23:25:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zauberer_sirin/pseuds/zauberer_sirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Post episode 17] Kogami always believed it was up to him to make a move. Any kind of move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stasis

**stasis**

 

 

 

 

 

 

Going to the scene is mostly a waste of time. It's in Masaoka's paranoid nature to point out that the Ministry of Welfare (of which they are part, sure, but they are not _it_ ) has probably swept any trace of real evidence before they even arrived. Kogami (it happens more often than not) has to agree with him on this.

The city is settling back into old roles (even though colored by new anxieties) and the violence has mostly died down but it's still with a feeling of creeping uneasy that they are able to stay outdoors for some minutes. The world has been unstuck and now the cogs are moving again, with difficulty. They have turned off the news for a while now.

Even Gino, normally the one who gets to pretend every useless thing they do is useful, looks around in wry despair.

The crash site sits at home with the landscape of the rest of the city, remnants of put-out riots, like ever scarring wounds. Scattered parts of a past whole, severed limbs of metal and wire. If Kogami was inclined to the poetic (in the vein of Marinetti or Russolo) he might find the hacked promise of the debris, human conceit unmade by fire and gravity, beautiful, even poignant.

Nobody is talking about Kagari but Kogami catches Yayoi glancing his way a couple of times with a hesitant expression – Kogami feels the old pang of feelings of _caring_ and _protector_ for the young woman but he doesn't talk first. So they don't talk at all. This is their usual pattern, but on a colder than usual night.

All of Division 1 (what's left of it, anyway) just glare at the non-evidence scattered in front of them.

Akane looks tired, beyond tired, disassembled, and that sets the tone for the rest of the team. Kogami wonders if she knows how much the rest of them draw from her strength. Including (perhaps most crucially) Gino.

Official reports full of official lies. The warrant for Kagari's arrest sticks.

"What do you think happened here?" she asks Kogami.

He shrugs and the bandages tighten against his chest and it fucking hurts.

"What it always happens: Shogo Makishima gets what he wants, and someone ends up dead."

A shadow passes over the inspector's face and Kogami knows what it is. He can't dwell on that; he is thinking about Makishima's call, the implications.

In the end it's Gino who decides they've wasted enough time here (though he would never word it quite like that) and sends everybody back to headquarters.

“Hey, kid, it's a great day when you can neatly wrap up an inconvenient problem with the erroneous solution to a different one,” Masaoka is telling Akane when they are in the van.

Kogami notices how Gino looks away, winces a bit with every word. It makes him feel so tire, worn beyond solidarity. Like they have been stuck in the same scene from a play, and everybody sounds like they are parroting lines stolen from old songs, stale and deceitfully wise. Kogami feels the bite of bile in his mouth – _what is my Crime Coefficient now? please tell me, Mr Inspector_ – and then Akane is looking at the old man with a magnanimous grin, even at this hour she finds the will (the _pity_ , Kogami corrects himself) to talk to the dog like he's still a human being.

“I was hoping you'd say something nicer, Mr Masaoka. Like how it's good to live to fight another day.”

Masaoka snorts, rubs the back of his hand across his forehead, and smiles at Akane. Everything is ten time more horrible because of her.

When they get back to the office Kogami stalks downstairs to his quarters while Akane stays staring at the case report who knows for how long.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*******

So he ends up back in his room, hours after, but feeling more frustrated and uncertain than when he left.

The painkillers are wearing off. He knows he should get some sleep. Knows he won't get any sleep.

Then there's a ring and Akane is at his door.

"Inspector."

He sees her struggling to articulate what the hell she is doing here at this hour. Kogami wants to save her the trouble.

"Come on in," he gestures.

Akane looks around her, scanning the room discreetly. It's not much, and it's a bit of a mess right now (any semblance of Kogami's so-called usual life suspended thanks to these past days' events; like the wounds from one case piling upon older but not-healed-yet wounds), but there's the kind of Spartan dignity that hides the fact that this is the residence of a criminal, a _prisoner_. Kogami clears out the couch and invites her to sit, if only so that she can stop studying the contents in his meager bookshelf. Not because he thinks Inspector Tsunemori is going denounce him for having books an Enforcer shouldn't have, but because it's a kind of exposure he doesn't need right now.

He waits for her to talk, with only the pressure of his interested stare – which, granted, should be enough; Kogami is aware of how unfriendly and unwelcoming his expression can be and the effect it has on others. It didn't used to be like that (his superiors' reviews used to fill with expressions like _conciliatory_ and _makes others feel at ease_ ) but Kogami is well past the point where he can still mourn that sort of change.

Finally he hears hear draw a longer breath.

"Do you really think Kagari escaped?" she asks him.

"No," Kogami replies promptly. If this were anyone but Akane in front of him he would have taken couple of seconds to pretend he was thinking it over.

Akane rewards him releasing the breath she was holding and a tentative smile. Kogami almost immediately regrets having said it – it's late, and he is too worn down to offer the kind of reassurance the inspector thinks she can find here.

“Me neither,” she says and takes a seat on the couch.

He waits a moment before he joins her, stopping shy of sitting by her side. He stands, but close enough. He is intensely aware of the scent of the coffee he spilled before still filling the room unpleasantly and he can tell Akane has realized as well.

“I feel like I am making more mistakes now than on my first day on the job,” she offers with a shy smile. Kogami almost winces – he can't be expected to recall Inspector Tsunemori's first day without some residual dread.

She has her hands clasped together, so that she won't fidget.

"You think... that I was wrong in not killing Makishima? I had the chance," she asks him.

"I think I knew what you were going to do, when I told you to kill him."

It's not really an answer. Even so, it's pretty much the truth. He knew what he was asking was impossible, even if it was the pragmatic choice. He also thinks she was right and wishes it was a choice he himself could have done. But there's also discomfort in the fact that this is not the first time Akane has come to him for validation. Who is he to talk about right and wrong? He is an Enforcer, a mere dog.

"Everyone Makishima kills from now on will be on my head," she adds.

"No, I don't think that. And I think you know better than that, Inspector."

It sounds curiously half-hearted. His only real answer is to stall.

“I'll get some coffee,” he says, which is code for _we'll go over the files again_ , which is clearly useless, but it might help them both.

When he turns around he finds Akane asleep as she stands, head thrown back.

Kogami sighs and finally takes a seat on the couch, as far as possible from her, concentrating on the case again. The Case, as he feels, is only one, the only possible case, engulfing all his endeavors, everything is connected, horribly so, and now the Problem is all their lives.

He doesn't dwell on the fact that there's an Inspector asleep on his couch, giving Akane the briefest glance of curiosity. Her face doesn't look particularly relaxed and Kogami feels something crushed under his ribs, thinking how maybe now even her dreams can't be peaceful anymore. Kogami tries to busy himself reviewing the case notes once more.

She is asleep only a handful of minutes, though, waking up with a sharp, surprised breath. She gives Kogami an apologetic smile when she realizes what has happened.

"Sorry, I must have dozed off."

"You've been awake for almost two days," he says. She doesn't look twenty anymore and that realization destroys something inside Kogami.

"You too."

He looks away. There's an obvious difference in their builds and their training. And it's not like Kogami usually sleeps that well anyway.

She straightens out the length of her skirt with the palm of her hand; Kogami takes a glance at her knees before remembering he shouldn't. He gets up, body language tense enough to signify his reluctance to go on with the work. Now something has shifted, something has changed.

“We could both use some rest,” she offers, a shallow pleasantry. Kogami has been all too happy to do without these conventions, being the scum that he is now; his situation has more than a few advantages. It didn't take him long to find out. Back when he was an Inspector he took good care to clean his shoes every day before leaving them by the door, before he understood nothing in this city could ever be clean. But that was when he said “please” and “thank you” like a good boy. Like Akane.

He feels a mixture of relief and disappointment when she starts moving away from him.

She walks to the door and Kogami follows her, a darkened reflection of those manners he once had.

“I'll see you tomorrow upstairs,” she says without conviction.

"Inspector..."

She turns around, her face flushed with something Kogami can't quite define, or something he is not willing to.

"When Makishima called me earlier..." he tells her, knowing this is not what she has expected. "I don't think he was taunting me. I think he was warning me."

"What do you mean?"

He hadn't wanted to voice it himself: "Perhaps Makishima has uncovered the proverbial common ground, figured out that there's something I hate more than I hate him."

Akane's mouth opens, a dry sound, but for a while no words make it out.

" _Sibyl_..." she mutters.

He nods. And no, he doesn't quite believe his own words, he is not that selfless, he can't overlook what that monster has done, not even in the name of a nebulous greater good. But there's a twisted satisfaction in giving into a greater sense of revenge for a moment. He has been wronged by many more people than Makishima.

“He can't think you would be willing to...”

The look on Kogami's face fells the rest of what she was going to say. Kogami sighs, realizing that was unfair on the inspector. Realizing he had been looking for a excuse to let Akane talk him out of it.

“Go home, Inspector Tsunemori. It's late.”

“No,” she says. “I'm not going anywhere until you explain why Shogo Makishima might have thought you were not 100% committed to arresting him.”

“But I'm not 100% committed to _arresting_ him,” Kogami points out and his superior gets the idea immediately.

“You said you didn't resent my decision.”

“I don't. But it was not _my_ decision.”

“I don't understand any of this. Please, Mr Kogami, I thought we were in this together.”

He feels the overwhelming urge to reassure her they are, even if right now it sounds like a cruel lie in his head; but there is is again, the same twist of satisfaction in withholding that reassurance, letting her glimpse the dark lack of faith that has been gnawing at him for so long. He knows she must have certain illusions, not expectations, of the person he is and he needs, absolutely needs, to shake her out of that hope.

“Makishima wouldn't be such a great manipulator of people if he didn't know what people are, essentially, made of.”

“He doesn't know you.”

“He does. And if it comes down to it–”

_If it comes down to it I hope you win_ he wants to say, but that's not what happens. What happens is Akane twisting her fingers into the collar of his shirt and bringing him down to her, his mouth on hers.

The angle is all wrong and Akane kisses too hard, pushes too hard, trying to compensate for the difference in their heights. Her mouth lands just at the edge of Kogami's and it's a bit too hot, a bit too much. Kogami freezes, any sign of returning the gesture purely unconscious. She is too close, her face is too close, Kogami hasn't seen someone so close in a long time.

Kogami is more stunned by Akane's action than he cares to admit. All this time he had imagined that whatever is between them he is the one keeping it from moving. That whatever move was to be made he was the one who'd make it. Or not make it, as it was the case and his firm resolution. The fact that it has been Akane the one to break a peace she hadn't known existed bothers him, disturbs something very necessary inside him. He grabs her small shoulders with both hands and pushes her away, disentangling himself from the kiss with more difficulty than he should have.

If she is hurt by his rejection that's not what shows on her face, not exactly. Her anger is focused in something more important.

"It's not going to come down to it," she repeats through her teeth and with such conviction. Kogami almost hates her in that moment, jealous, thinks _I've never been this sure in my life_.

"But if does..."

"It's not going to. Because you won't make the wrong decision."

Even though her voice is as trusting and sincere as one might expect from Inspector Tsunemori but the edge is tinted with too much urgency and desperation to dismiss the underlying concern. It makes Kogami suddenly feel very old, and very weary.

"If it comes down to it... I believe you'll find a way to stop me."

Mentally, he corrects himself: I think somehow you'll find a way to save me. But he harbors no hope it's going to be a way that satisfies either of them. There will be an ending but there are no happy ending for the likes of him.

And most of all he wants to wipe that expression off her face, the one that is still trusting and committed.

He grabs her by the waist. He sees her close her eyes tightly just before his mouth descends on hers, a frown of concentration on her forehead, as if she is bracing herself for a blow rather than a kiss. That doesn't mean she doesn't return it. There is a moment of pure silence (not even skin, not even breathing, not even heartbeats) and they forget who started it this time.

They kiss each other with matching violence, like they are both fighting to make a point. Kogami guesses _she_ is trying to make a point, he is just refusing one.

He pushes Akane further into the room again, until she walks into the back of the couch and stays there, half sitting on it and half leaning. He didn't have a plan in mind, but now that they are like this, the outcome is evident. He brings his hands from her waist to her neck, his thumbs brushing the line of her jaw. His bruises ache and he is hard, he is pretty sure there's a rule against getting aroused in the presence of an Inspector (getting aroused _against_ an Inspector), he wants the absurdity of such a rule, then Akane runs her tongue along the roof of his mouth and _this_ is all he wants.

Her touch is paper-thin at his sides, the heel of her hands barely resting on Kogami's hips. He rubs against her thigh, pressing his erection until it almost hurts, a vague unformed hope that this might scare Akane into her senses, that it would shake them both out of this.

When they break for a bit of air it becomes clear to Kogami that this is happening, this is _going to happen_ and he is the one struck by terror. He swallows. Akane's eyes track the motion of his throat and then her fingers are unbuttoning his shirt.

He grabs her wrists, stops her, thinks better of it, lets her go.

Akane slips her arms under his shirt and runs the palms of her hands up and down Kogami's back, soothingly. She sighs contently against his collarbone. This is not what he wanted. Slowing down the momentum would ruin everything. He takes her by the shoulders and peels her off him, with the seeming excuse of diving for another kiss. They stand like this for some time, until the noises rising from the back of Akane's throat fill with a frustration Kogami understands perfectly.

She slips the shirt off his shoulders carefully. He is exposed, his bandages and wounds and older scars under her gaze, her sweet scrutiny. She throws her arms around his neck, like a child, and holds Kogami into a hug.

"What are we doing?" she whispers, lips hot against his ear.

It's not a question, it's more of wistful, distracted statement. She sounds so young and so fucking naïve and trusting and Kogami had wanted much more for her. He doesn't know _what_ , but at least something more than this. More than this room that cannot hide its true nature as a cell, more than the acrid scent in the air, and definitely more than himself. But because he has wanted more for her Kogami finds himself unable to stop this.

_Nothing, nothing_ he chants against her temple.

He realizes they are both too tired to be doing this and he is particularly too sore. But it doesn't matter. He pushes past those warning signs in his body and he slips one hand under Akane's skirt. She gasps at the contact but immediately catches up to his intentions; she shifts a bit, away from the couch, letting Kogami tug at her underwear until he has pushed it down and Akane can step out of it. The gesture is awkward but necessary. When she adopts the posture again, knees gently pressed against Kogami's hips, there's a new tension between them. Kogami could choke on it.

“Mr Kogami?” Akane's voice is tiny and concerned – Kogami realizes he must have been making a weird face. She sounds just as baffled as he feels. It makes it all worse.

Because he hasn't mean to do this. To _ever_ do this. Even if he knows it's been always there, somehow, ever since the night he met Akane. Or at least since the moment she shot him to save an innocent woman's life.

The skirt is tightly in place and he has to roll it up Akane's legs up to her waist for this thing to be doable.

For a moment Akane seems hesitant, unsure about the proceedings, and Kogami vaguely thinks –with a sick feeling in his stomach– that this might be the first time she's ever done something like this. It has been a long time for him and anyway it was not him, it was the other Shinya Kogami, the one who had a decent job and regular human contact, not the Shinya Kogami trapped in a cheaply furnished cell in the basement, the Shinya Kogami who trains himself every morning in how to kill a man with his bare hands. He has every reason to be just as hesitant as her. Whatever the case Akane at least bluffs her way through it because she is giving Kogami a nod that, if not entirely convincing, seems committed enough. His body follows that gesture before his mind has time to catch up: he is inside Akane before he can process the fact.

He waits until she is used to the pressure before he can move again – for a second it seems like that moment is never going to come. But then it does.

Kogami makes no attempt to remove any other piece of clothing from Akane. He likes the solidity of having her pressed against him completely dressed, like any more skin-on-skin contact would be disastrous. In her office clothes Akane is still Akane, Inspector Tsunemori, his superior, and not the pressure around Kogami's cock and against his chest, the strange question mark humming under his skin.

He buries his face in her neck; she hasn't changed clothes, the only respite a quick fresh-up in the bathroom and the ministrations of the doctors who tended to them both, her shirt smells of all they've been through in the past hours.

She traces two fingers over the worst bruised spot on his shoulder.

Kogami can't allow himself to match her tenderness, but he can bring Akane down to his own hardened pace.

It shouldn't be like this. It _shouldn't be_ , period.

He grips the back of the couch for balance, because in his current state if he were to grab Akane's hips like he wants he would leave bruises. Part of him wants her to bruise. A larger part of him will always be a little protective, for so many reasons. The word _girl_ insinuates itself into his thoughts and when he looks down at her Akane looks twenty again.

The bandages are tightly wound, he is in no danger of messing them, but the friction against his hip is speeding everything up, driving him closer and closer. There's an ugly, stubborn part of himself that challenges him to make Akane come before he does. He doesn't question it; he brings his hands between their bodies and listens as Akane's breath hitches up and just stops for a whole moment. His fingers are dry and calloused but they do the work just the same. She thrusts back against him, against his hand, against his cock. She does this with the same unbridled focus and honesty she does everything else. Kogami could cry just from that. Kogami could come just from that.

“It's okay,” she tells him, and it's really, really not.

He puts one hand under her, holding her up, and he picks up the pace. When she comes he can feel her body vibrate around him, against him, her chest shaking under her shirt. Kogami wishes he had taken it off, wonders what it would be to have her naked under him. He wants, wants, wants. He is not supposed to want.

Then she tangles her fingers in his hair and it's _fuck, fuck, fuck_ because Kogami is pretty sure he might be saying her name over and over.

He comes and there's an insistent voice in his head saying _is this all? Is this something you wanted?_. There's no sense of completion, just a biting hollowness Kogami has never felt before – and it's all part of the _wanting more_. But when he looks down and Akane is panting, lips hot against his sternum, Kogami is struck by the feeling of how _necessary_ this was. His body is sucked of all energy and yet he finds some to hold her up, so she doesn't slip from his arms and fall.

 

 

 

 

 

*******

He is going to have to wake her and ask her to leave.

He has to get her out of his room.

It's not really safe for her here (not to mention what a great breach of discipline, _fucking her Enforcer, tsk, tsk_ , not an uncommon mishap but a grave one nonetheless) and Kogami has things to do, files to review, thinks to think through. There's no thinking with Akane here – with her sleeping form curled into a ball on Kogami's couch, small but all too present. Any decision he makes now would be contaminated by her presence here.

Akane twists in her sleep, drawing her knees closer under her chin – it's cold in here, Kogami knows, but he is refusing to throw a blanket or a jacket over her, like this is something semi-permanent. Although he is not sure if he is refusing her or himself.

He has to get her out of here.

He is going to wake her up and send her home any minute now.

Any minute now.


End file.
